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Personal Relationships (2000, Q2)
(a) Describe and explain Christian attitudes to remarriage
after divorce. [8]
(b) Explain how a Christian couple might find the support of
other Christians helpful in keeping their marriage together. [7]
(c) 'Friendship is just as important as love in marriage.'
Do you agree? Give reasons to support your answer and show that
you have thought about different points of view. You must refer to
Christianity in your answer. [5]
(a) The question mentions 'Christian attitudes' - so be
careful how you answer this. This would usually be asked in b (compare
with 1998 Q2b and 1999
Q2b) You need to start by describing the various positions (try
using specific church positions), then bring in the Biblical teaching and
marriage vows to explain each position.
Some Christians, for example the Roman Catholics
and many Anglicans, are
completely against remarriage after divorce. The Catholic Church does not
recognise divorce, because marriage is a lifelong commitment. You can only
end a marriage by annulment, which is given only if the marriage is found to be
invalid (for example, if it can be proved that the vows were not meant) and it
is then considered never to have taken place. Therefore when a couple
remarry after divorce they are breaking their wedding vows and this marriage
is
not recognised by the Catholic church.
In the Church of England wedding service
the couple make vows before God to
stay together 'till death do us part'. This solemn vow is made in the
presence of God and the church community. In the same service the priest
speaks the words of Jesus:
No human being must then separate that
which God has joined
together Mark 10:9
It is hard to see how someone could make
these promises before God if they had already made them with someone else
and broken them. Jesus repeatedly
taught that divorce was wrong, saying:
Anyone who divorces
his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress,
and anyone who marries the
divorced woman commits adultery. Matthew 5 v 31-32
This explains why many Christians
are against remarriage after
divorce. However, many churches now recognise that relationships break
down. Jesus died for the forgiveness of sin, and Paul taught:
'If we confess our sins,
he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from
all unrighteousness.' 1 John 1 v
9
Many free churches will allow
remarriage after divorce. The Church of England does not openly approve
of remarriage, but the decision is up to individual priests who follow the
advice given by Bishops.
For those Christians who allow
remarriage in some circumstances,
they will consider a range of factors. The marriage vows may already have
been broken. Jesus himself seemed to make an exception and allow divorce
in the case of adultery. In cases where a man beats his wife or abuses his
children, many Christians would argue that the sanctity of marriage has
gone. The law in Britain, which had previously been against divorce,
changed in 1971 to allow divorce on the grounds of adultery, cruelty or
desertion for at least 2 years. Many Christians would argue that in these
cases the innocent party should be allowed to remarry, as marriage is God's plan
for humans (Genesis 2:24). Also, churches teach about the importance of
family life and security for children, so if there are children involved then
remarriage might provide stability. People who have been through marriage
once already are likely to have more realistic expectations about a second
marriage, and will really understand the promises they are making.
However, those churches would
also be aware of the increasing
number of divorces since the changes in law. The current law merely
requires that a marriage has 'irretrievably broken down'. These churches
would have a responsibility to ensure that a divorcing couple had tried
everything (including mediation) to resolve their differences before
divorcing. For this reason, they would not be happy about performing a
remarriage soon after a divorce, because people might divorce simply to marry
someone else. By allowing remarriage, Christians could be encouraging
divorce in cases where a couple would have stayed together and worked their
differences out rather than be alone. Therefore any Christians that
accept remarriage would do so cautiously.
(b) This is definietely one of those questions where it is useful to
plan your answer first - it is easy to ramble on without making many concrete
points. Take a couple of minutes to jot down key areas, then take your
time in explaining each one. The following answer nearly reached the top
level (LD March 2001) - it's very good, but how could you improve it even
further?
If a Christian couple were going through a hard time in keeping their
marriage together other Christians might be helpful.
Some may have gone through the same thing
and will be able to guide them and
help them through. They will be able to remind them of what God says in
the Bible, that they should not separate.
Also someone outside of the marriage might be able to see what is going wrong
and help the couple to sort it out.
Other Christians would be able to give a kind, loving and compassionate
response to what the couple would be going through.
Marriage always has its ups and downs, good
and bad things happening and the couple need to see it through because it
will probably get better. They
need to remember that 'God is love' and he put them together and they should not
be separated. The Christians supporting them would be able to go through
all of that.
Another thing is knowing that they all believe
in the same thing. A lot
of the time just talking to someone who has the same faith makes you stronger
and their faith in God should see them through.
You would want to mention support through
pray, but also practical support, such as babysitting so that a couple
can have a romantic night out or
giving financial support to a couple struggling with money. One way of
answering this question would have been to focus on the troubles married couples
face and look to solutions that way.
You should also focus on the church institution
- the priest or pastor can offer confidential advice and put them in touch
with Christian groups set up to
support married people. A lot of non-Christian mediators help couples to split
up and stay friends, whereas Christian groups encourage couples to work out
their differences and bring life back into their marriages. The
church often runs meetings or groups such as Practical Parenting which
can provide help and support through some of these difficulties. There
are also books (The sixty-minute marriage), video and audio tapes produced by
other
Christians giving advice on how to save marriages.
(c) This is not a controversial quote, so
it needs unpacking rather than
arguing. You should explore the importance of friendship and the
importance of love, ending on a clear expression of opinion that develops the
answer further. For example:
LOVE - The love that is peculiar to marriage must be Eros - romantic
love. Most Christians would agree that this is essential. The marriage
service talks about loving and cherishing. The Bible makes clear in its opening
passages that man would leave his mother and father and be united with his
wife as ‘one flesh’. Without a degree of romantic attraction, this would be
impossible.
FRIENDSHIP - However, romance can die out. The attraction of getting to
know someone new, the first kiss, the uncertainty - this all goes. With the
practicalities of married life, there is often little time for romance.
Eventually, the romance becomes something else as you get older. At times, sex
won’t work at all for any number of reasons. This can include sickness,
impotence etc. If this was all there was to marriage, you’d be in trouble.
Genesis gives the real reason Eve was created - Adam was lonely and needed
companionship. Friendship - being able to talk, have fun, do things together -
is essential for a marriage to work.
SUMMARY - In some senses, real friendship and real love are the same
thing. Unconditional love means putting the other person first. If you don’t
do that, you’ll end up fighting, arguing and falling out. A marriage requires
this sort of love - a sacrificial friendship that involves giving all you have
(as in the marriage service) and making the other person your priority. This is
what Jesus meant when he said ‘Love your neighbour as you love yourself’. It
is the sort of love described in 1 Corinthians 13 - patient, kind, does not keep
a record of wrongs. Friendship and love are equally important, and if they’re
going to keep a marriage together, they must include agape - unconditional love.
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